My experience of moving out of my parents home at 18 has been a major disruption or change to my life over the past three years. I decided to move in 2021 and this decision was not just about changing my living situation, but also about making major decisions related to university choices, course selection, and determining where I wanted to live. These choices changed the state of my current daily life.
Upon reflection, I still deal with self-doubt around whether relocating from my parents’ home was the right decision. The increase in cost of living and the price of essentials like petrol make it tempting to compare my current daily struggles with my friends who still live with their parents, as they seem to be able to save money easier.
Moving away from home has also been difficult when it comes to catching up with old friends, as we are all equally busy and live far away. There have been a number of friend groups I have simply drifted from. This experience reveals an idea that is hard to swallow: that I met new people that I connect with better, while distance made me feel disconnected from distant friends. As I am thinking about this change, I have read over Michael White’s (1997) concepts about ‘re-remembering’ and the idea that people’s identities are formed fromIn a “club-of-life”. Since moving out of home and meeting new people I’m understanding the real life context for people to revise or reorganise the ‘membership’ of their ‘club-of-life’.
Another example of this was when I was trying to get my drivers licence and my instructor Olivia noticed at first that I was rather quiet in lessons but was very focused on my goals of passing my test. As the lessons continued we would end up having quite personal conversations about my university stress, what my parents were like, what they did for work and eventually I began to open up about my own feelings about self-doubt and self-esteem. After I had passed my test I realised that those lessons meant more than just reaching a big goal of passing my test but also led me closer to feelings of self-trust. This introduction of my driving instructor into my ‘club-of-life’ is especially interesting, because moving out of home has also shown me that the people who influence me won’t just be family or friends.
I also find my reaction to this life change challenged me because of my personality type, which I discovered through the Myers-Briggs personality test. Identifying as an INFP, I embody traits such as introversion, intuition, feeling, and prospectiveness. The personality profile makes me more inclined to introspect and become quieter during challenges. My personality type has also influenced the way that I have seen and interpreted life changes. In my experience I have quite a rich inner world for creative expression. For me this highlights the concepts discussed in Dan McAdams’ article about the interplay between personality traits and life narratives,
This characteristic shows up again operating in workplace dynamics.It takes me time to become comfortable and open-up, which has led to past instances where employers noticed issues like my soft-spoken nature and occasional failure to grasp directions. These situations pose challenges for me, as I’m susceptible to feelings of embarrassment when I make mistakes and am reluctant to admit to them. These responses and behaviours align with McAdams’ idea of personality shaping the way individuals construct and experience their life stories. Considering my personality traits and my approach to different work environments, I can look quite shy to employers.
Unfortunately this has been an issue as I work in hospitality. Although I have now learnt how to properly greet and engage customers in comfortable situations, my personality traits can be easily misinterpreted as uninterested or timid. Luckily, I have also received some positive feedback on my nature at work. I have never had an attitude when being asked to do an extra task, turning up early for shifts or moving fast-paced through the restaurant. It definitely helps me when employees provide feedback on my work regularly because I can have a tendency to go overboard with work and can get burnt out as well.
In conclusion, evaluating my experience moving out of my parents home as a major change and disruption to my life. This process was not only a decision affecting my fiscal living situation but my emotional and mental development since learning to handle money, work and university on my own for the first time. At the same time I have formed new relationships along with new feelings of self-awareness and accomplishment.
Reference List:
McAdams, D. P. (1995). What Do We Know When We Know a Person?
Russell, S., & Carey, M. (2002). Re-membering: responding to commonly asked questions. International Journal of Narrative Therapy and Community Work.
White, M. (1997). Narratives of Therapists’ Lives. Adelaide: Dulwich Centre Publications.
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